Foreword

Greetings! I'm Molly. This is my first blog experience and I'm pretty dang excited about it. There are a variety of reasons why I've decided to embark on this pseudo-assignment.
I'd like to make it clear that I am not an aspiring photographer, and I don’t pretend to be. Some of my closest friends and family are exceptionally talented in that area, but I can’t say it has ever been a genuine passion of mine.
Onto business. Recently, many of my Facebook friends caught my attention with albums titled “30 day challenge”, in which they followed a list of topics via photos that defined them. All of this for a period of - you guessed it - 30 days. I wanted to pursue this in my own way by making my own ‘list’. (Side note, I have planning this for the past few weeks; likely driving my roommate crazy by scrawling ideas onto paper in the middle of the night.) Regardless, I am excited for my ideas to come to fruition, and truly hope it turns out the way I have been imagining it. I invite you to leave comments on anything I post. I have always been a firm believer that knowing what everyone else thinks, does, in fact, matter. It puts things into perspective and allows us to be well-rounded individuals, which is definitely a quality I would hope to be recognized as.
One primary hesitation I have about this project is ultimately how self-centered it is. Completely. It can be chalked up to self-expression, art, or anything else… but in the end, things like this are primarily concerned with “me” and “I”. I struggle with this in an age of social media. Since the time I had a Myspace at age 16, I began this practice (we began this practice) of showcasing ourselves and finding endless ways to portray how unique we were. With Facebook and Twitter, I find it to be a double-edged sword. I want everyone to see… and yet, I don’t want anyone to see. Sometimes, all I really want, all I really need, is an outlet to mass-communicate my rawest emotions on a medium where no one is guaranteed to see it.
So…yes; with this project, I admit to being yet another self-dissecting 20-something. But I was programmed this way, and I have discovered a lot of important things as a result. This is about being honest with myself, regardless of all outside influences. This isn’t for you or for them, this is for me. It’s a time capsule. How will I feel tomorrow? In a week? a month? A year? Only time will tell.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Day 30: I find it terribly backwards;

the way we end up treating each other, sometimes.
Nice to strangers; cruelest to those we love and need most.
          Of course, not all of the time. But I know that often, I exercise a whole lot more patience, benefit of the doubt, and unconditional kindness to people that I barely know. Why is this? Be honest with yourself; it's easy to lash out at your closest friend or family member because you take for granted that they will forgive you. With a stranger, you don't want them to think you're insane, and so you only reveal yourself at your best. Yet, the people closest to us see us at our best and our worst, and somehow still love us. We can be so terrible to each other, and inevitably look past it at the end of the day and forgive. It's quite a miracle, and it happens over and over again. The way that humans interact on an emotional level fascinates me to no end and I think about it often. Therefore, I can't write this post without mentioning my family, because they're the only one I'm ever going to get, and that's the way it should be.
          I need to be honest here; I didn't always feel this way. I definitely loved my parents and sisters from an early age, (so much, that I told my parents I was going to live in their house 'forever!'). But middle school and teen angst happened in the middle there... I'll be frank, I was everything short of mean for a long string of years. I wouldn't smile, and I wouldn't make conversation. There was nothing anyone could have done to avoid this; I was so self-centered and unwilling to open up because I just wanted my space. Pretty typical for a teenage girl who didn't know how to handle herself, but I still regret acting so cold. No family is perfect, and it's unreasonable to expect to get along 100% of the time. Sometimes tension is what allows things to stray from being bland and meaningless. And with that said, I think any group of people living in close proximity will tend to get on each other's nerves eventually. It's a lesson for any relationship you have: no matter how much you love your significant other, or to what extent your best friend understands you, humans need to have time apart from each other. I'm not going to say that I have a 'perfect' relationship with my family now, but things have gotten exponentially better in time (at least in my mind), and I suspect this is a result of the space between us, as backwards as that sounds. All of this aside; my dad, my mom, and both of my sisters, are without a doubt the reasons of why I am the way I am. They have some of the best qualities that I look for in others, and I forget too often how blessed I am. Blessed, being an understatement. We'll start from the top:

My dad: is someone who I have come to identify with the older I get, in terms of my subconscious reactions and the way I interact with others. When I was little, I spent as much time as I could by his side for landscaping and woodworking projects. It was more than just observing; he really taught me how things worked and would let me help. As a direct result of this, I have high expectations for all men to be handy by default -- no one even comes close. My dad is resourceful, practical, punctual, and probably has the best sense of self-control out of anyone I know. 
My mom: will sacrifice so much without expecting anything in return. All she asks of me is kindness, and sometimes I take this for granted. My mom constantly gives me the benefit of the doubt in any situation, or anyone for that matter. She is always considering others, never boasts, and never talks about someone behind their back.  She has taught me so much about being a kind person, and I look up to everything she has achieved professionally.  
Katie: who goes by 'Kate', but will always be Katie to me, is level-headed and diligent, and yet so nurturing and pensive about a lot of things. Katie makes me laugh at the most unexpected of times when I need to hear it most, and will go out of her way to help me no matter how busy she already is. She's the one who got me in touch with my creative side; I started making collages when I was little simply because I wanted to be just like her. 
Megan: is my reminder that you can always keep trying no matter what happens. She is one of the strongest individuals I know; a chameleon in just about any situation and can get a smile out of anyone. She is the definition of a social butterfly and could likely talk herself out of anything because she has so much charm. Megan still sets me the baby fork when we have family dinners at home because she never got out of the habit. I think I would be disappointed if she did. 

I love my family, and I know they are probably embarrassed at me for posting this publicly... but you should know that you matter enough to me to be showed off. Thank you for being you. 
Posted by at

1 comment:

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)