Day 8: Too often, I find myself

living life too comfortably; afraid to take risks.

"Nothing to fear except Fear itself" 

          I fear the unknown. I fear the possibility of embarrassment for not knowing what to do or what to say. I make a cautious effort to avoid situations where my reputation and the perception that others have of me is compromised. I am so paranoid – always careful, always cautious; a planner. For me, being the youngest of three siblings has meant that I have been trained to gain approval from all members of my family before making anything short of a 'big' decision. I often lose sight of the fact that it would benefit me in terms of personal growth and self-assuredness to make choices on my own accord, for my own reasons.
          Its refreshing and rewarding for me to have friends who are the exact opposite, because it reminds me that sometimes its okay to do things spontaneously and live in the moment. I can't do this on my own (at the very least, not habitually) because of my adamant need to feel in-control of my life and actions. I take satisfaction out of being able to predict what will happen next, and get inexcusably upset when life throws me for a loop despite how cautious I may have been. I take it personally when this happens because it feels like I've failed.
          When I do take a risk and do something I hadn't planned on, it takes some time for me to realize that I am alive and breathing, and perhaps even enjoying myself. The fact remains that I am too comfortable living within these boundaries, and have accepted that I need to push my own limits for the sake of self-betterment. 

Tomorrow, a change.