Foreword

Greetings! I'm Molly. This is my first blog experience and I'm pretty dang excited about it. There are a variety of reasons why I've decided to embark on this pseudo-assignment.
I'd like to make it clear that I am not an aspiring photographer, and I don’t pretend to be. Some of my closest friends and family are exceptionally talented in that area, but I can’t say it has ever been a genuine passion of mine.
Onto business. Recently, many of my Facebook friends caught my attention with albums titled “30 day challenge”, in which they followed a list of topics via photos that defined them. All of this for a period of - you guessed it - 30 days. I wanted to pursue this in my own way by making my own ‘list’. (Side note, I have planning this for the past few weeks; likely driving my roommate crazy by scrawling ideas onto paper in the middle of the night.) Regardless, I am excited for my ideas to come to fruition, and truly hope it turns out the way I have been imagining it. I invite you to leave comments on anything I post. I have always been a firm believer that knowing what everyone else thinks, does, in fact, matter. It puts things into perspective and allows us to be well-rounded individuals, which is definitely a quality I would hope to be recognized as.
One primary hesitation I have about this project is ultimately how self-centered it is. Completely. It can be chalked up to self-expression, art, or anything else… but in the end, things like this are primarily concerned with “me” and “I”. I struggle with this in an age of social media. Since the time I had a Myspace at age 16, I began this practice (we began this practice) of showcasing ourselves and finding endless ways to portray how unique we were. With Facebook and Twitter, I find it to be a double-edged sword. I want everyone to see… and yet, I don’t want anyone to see. Sometimes, all I really want, all I really need, is an outlet to mass-communicate my rawest emotions on a medium where no one is guaranteed to see it.
So…yes; with this project, I admit to being yet another self-dissecting 20-something. But I was programmed this way, and I have discovered a lot of important things as a result. This is about being honest with myself, regardless of all outside influences. This isn’t for you or for them, this is for me. It’s a time capsule. How will I feel tomorrow? In a week? a month? A year? Only time will tell.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Day 24: I'm beginning to question

 why we put so much emphasis on the future.

Its like being asked, Where do you see yourself in five years? from every angle.
          If you've stuck with me these past 24 days, I've made it pretty clear that I'm a creature of habit; but a creature of habit who wants to become more flexible. And I guess today's post isn't so much about that as it is about the big picture. I know that its good to set goals, trust me; I have mine and plan to see them through. I can accept that every choice we make has a consequence and that sometimes the smallest of actions can alter our lives. I get it all, really. It's just that... I've always had this feeling that something is going to happen to me that will prevent from having to make these alleged life-changing decisions, if that makes any sense at all. Something tells me that everything will work itself out, or that I won't even get the chance to make it so. (12-21-2012: just throwing it out there).
         For awhile, I really felt like I had... a guardian angel, of sorts (for lack of a better explanation, forgive me). All I can say is that there were a lot of 'almost-crises' happening one right after another and it didn't take long for me to notice. I'm talking about times when I really could have screwed things up for myself, but managed to avoid it at the last second. Mountain or molehill, I was aware that I had been dodging bullets, but I didn't really know why I was being spared. Then without warning, I noticed that my 'guardian angel' had given up on me; that I had been supported for too long and had it too easy. So I was forced to stand on my own two feet, face the music, and show what I was capable of. I really am not trying to sound cutesy at all here; in fact I have never told anyone what I believed was going on. Call it luck, karma, the Holy Spirit, juju, or whatever you want... something bigger was at work.
          Sometimes we are pressured to plan our future so excessively that we have lost sight of our present and end up setting the stakes too high for ourselves. I used to have a really negative view of this as a teenager; something along the lines of, "you can't be disappointed if you don't have expectations". The reality is, you won't get anywhere if you don't have expectations. For the first time in my life, I just want to throw caution to the wind to see if I can fly. The chances are not in my favor, but I'm not afraid... which is new, for me. I'm not afraid because I'm confident enough that I can pick up the pieces no matter what happens. I just want to do something for myself without any outward influence, and turn my back on these "plans" I have so desperately clung to. Plans will always be there. I can make plans in a snap. I'm not worried about plans.   
Don't rush today just to get to tomorrow. 
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