I can never seem to turn my brain off at night.
No matter how exhausted I am; no matter how badly I want to sleep.
I can't concentrate. Or maybe it's that I concentrate too much. The equation is all correct; I have the appropriate environment... a bed, a dark room, comfortable clothes, and something next to silence, if I'm lucky. I close my eyes and yet... they might as well be open. I just lie there, reliving the moments of the day without necessarily wanting to. I think of the things I said, the things I did, and all the things I have to remember for tomorrow. I have tried so many natural ways (because that's the only way I'll have it) to avoid the mind interruptions that so inconveniently approach when I need to call it a day. I write things down on paper to convince myself I won't forget, and consume copious amounts of sleepy tea to give my head the hint that its time to find the 'off' switch. But every night is the same, and some are worse than others. On a bad night, not being able to sleep is more than just the fear of being tired the next day; it's about being alone in the darkness and the silence. When I toss and turn for hours and can only imagine what time it is, it makes me feel anxious and uncomfortable because it's like waking up and learning that civilization is extinct.
I'm not an insomniac, I just can't relax enough to find sleep easily. No matter how physically comfortable the bed may seem, my bones feel like they are sticking into me on every pressure point. There is no ideal sleeping position because something will eventually fall asleep (other than me, that is) that will cause me to shift in order to stop that pins and needles feeling. The other common culprit is having a song stuck in my head. No matter how much I may enjoy that particular tune during the day, it turns into taunting when I'm trying so desperately to hear nothing. The same few lines will repeat themselves over and over... sometimes I even wake up with it still chorusing in my head. A tactic that I have been using when this happens is to make my ears ring, which I have gotten pretty good at doing on my own command. The unchanging and static mental 'sound' from this can usually deter any kind of pattern or rhythm from a familiar melody. At which point, white noise is hardly noise at all.
A rested body, a tired mind.
Sometimes I can't fall asleep cause of the Darkness and silence. Too much quiet lets my mind wander. Let it lapse into the vice of imagination. Start thinking of "What if's" or "Chances are". Wonder if somethings watching you, or watching over you...Good Post Aug
ReplyDeleteTWIN! I have this problem too. I toss and turn at night and can never shut my mind off. It really frustrates me. ugh
ReplyDeleteThis blog's concept is interesting, and while it isn't original (as you have mentioned that it was a challenge), it's definitely original to me because you're the first person I've ever heard it from, haha.
ReplyDeleteI'm stoked to see that there are still bloggers out there who write for the sake of self-expression and craft their posts well. You know, just something beyond a typical "what I did today post" that could've pass off as a more than 140 character tweet, haha.
I dunno if you'll continue to blog once the 31 days end, but I sure hope you do - but only for your sake, not mine. Writing should be sincere, and I definitely see it in here. :)
that means SO much to me. thank you!
ReplyDelete