Day 21: I wish I could change

my dependence on technology.

Back to a simpler time when you used your noggin more.

          Google it. You don't need a map, you have the Garmin. I am a little weak when it comes to my reliance on everything tech. This isn't to say that I'm all about having the newest, most up-to-date form of everything... (exhibit a: my brick of an iPod). But, I noticed that I have a severe tendency to need to multi-task on a regular basis; its a habit. I will be eating dinner and I feel the need to check my Facebook from my phone without really thinking before I realize what I'm doing. I am knee-deep in technology at almost all times; walking to class with headphones in, having the internet a click away on my phone, and spending most of the evening on my laptop entertained with whatever I happen to find. 

         I'm not saying that technology is bad or that I'm hoping to become a luddite. This would be a poor decision on my part, based on the major I have chosen, and the fact that I hear words like "interactive" and "social media" multiple times on a daily basis. The age of technology that we know today is not a trend; it's a shift in the way that we communicate and will only become more pronounced from here on out. In fact, I just read an article about a Catholic priest who incorporated this topic into his homily. He discouraged his parishioners from abstaining from things like social media and the internet during Lent, because they are such a useful tool at keeping everyone on the map and in the know. The value of these forms of communication are piqued when the most people utilize them. So of course, a decrease in users means a decrease in experience for everyone else. Keep up, or be left behind. 

          What I am pinpointing as a problem is the fact that my generation is so lost on face-to-face communication. I have less than a handful of friends who will actually call me (instead of an informal text) to see how I'm doing and stay in touch. Don't get me wrong; texting is very convenient and there are a lot of times when it is more appropriate than a phone call, in my opinion. However, I feel terribly guilty when I catch myself allowing a text to interrupt a conversation I am having with someone in person, and dislike others doing the same to me. You wouldn't have multiple conversations with different people interrupting every few moments in person, which is why this practice is borderline impolite and should be avoided at all costs. Perhaps abstaining isn't the answer, but being mindful of your usage is a step in the right direction. For those of you out there who already have this down pat, I commend you.    

It's high-time we remember what it feels like to be unplugged.

Day 20: Sometimes I suspect that

perhaps, I have a bit of an online shopping addiction.

I'm practically a cyber-retail queen.

          It's gotten to the point where I no longer have to fish out my wallet because I remember my credit card numbers so well. This, to me, is quite unsettling. I really am quite a frugal shopper, to be honest. Lord knows how I even got to this point. I don't spend money on a regular basis, and perhaps this is where the problem lies. I go through droughts of purchasing nothing but groceries, and then realize I have nothing to wear, which spurs an online shopping binge. They always start small, and seemingly harmless. I could use a new pair of athletic shoes... Researching the web for athletic  shoes quickly turns into finding a new pair of flats, and flats quickly turn into the ever so elusive heels that I just can't seem to commit to. This can go on for weeks at a time; e-mailing product links to myself until I have a smorgasboard of options to trot out and compare prices. Remember my post about in-store shopping woes as a lanky adolescent? This solves the headaches almost entirely. The internet is a perfect avenue to shop around and utilize customer reviews and get the best bang out of your buck. I'm getting rather good at it, which is why I have myself so worried. And let's get one thing straight here: my virtual shopping cravings are not limited to clothing and apparel. I have scoured the internet for everything from bicycles, to noise-cancelling headphones. I am an equal-opportunist product-seeker. Don't fret, cat-eye sunglasses. I'm coming for you in the near future.  

       Here's what I speculate it comes down to: online shopping is smart. I have three main reasons for this, each as obvious and straightforward as the next. 1) Competitive pricing allows us, the shopper, to find the best deal that the world wide web has to offer (More needles, less haystack). 2) Hearing what other customers have to say about a product is something everyone should take advantage of. I think it's safe to say that many companies are biased about their products most of the time, regardless of the fact that the new shirt you bought will likely fall apart after being washed (and they know it will!). 3) Long lines at the checkout: need I say more?

       One last point: online shopping is dangerously easy. Watch yourselves. 

I have a search bar, and I know how to use it. 

Day 19: Though we are from the earth,

we tend to get a bit Moony, too.

Despite appearances, our nearest friend in space is 221,000 miles away.

          Tonight, astrologists and amateur stargazers alike are in for a treat. According to NASA, the moon will be 30% brighter and 14% bigger than usual this evening, which only occurs once every 18 years. People keep tabs on the moon, and have been doing so for eons. We don't quite know why, but we love the moon and our nights would be lonely and dark without it.  Wolves howl, crickets chirp, people are romantic, and so on. The moon shows up whether or not you remind it to, without being acknowledged or thanked. My relationship with the moon is a lot like that. I don't necessarily keep track of its cycles, but I can subconsciously tell when it is about to change because it affects my mood, the way I interact with others, and my sleeping patterns.

        Night. Darkness. It is such an interesting part of life. Western society tries to dictate that we are inactive at night; to only be productive during the day when the sun can light the earth. But I find the night to be a calming and necessary part of each day's routine. Maybe it is the college student in me saying this, but I appreciate staying up a bit later than I should in order to stay in touch with the night and what it has to offer me. Everything is quiet; a swelling pause from all of the noise and business that is the day. Night is a personal time for many of us; we aren't expected to engage in rigorous conversation or tedious duties. It is the time that leaves us alone with our thoughts; soaking in the events of the day and what it has meant to us, how it has changed or not changed us. We are ourselves to our very core at night; stripped of the masks we wear on a daily basis and apt to expose our true colors.  

       The moon comforts me on nights when I toss and turn for hours, when not one soul is awake to console me and loneliness creeps in. The moon is there when you wake up from a nightmare and need an ounce of reality to prove to you that it was all just a dream. The moon is there as our natural nightlight, even though as adults we are supposed to have outgrown our fear of the dark. As childish as it sounds, I can hardly walk into an unlit room without getting chills on the back of my neck. Thank goodness I can rely on the moon. It is simple; it is sincere. 

          

A night in shining armour.

Day 18: Most people don't know that

I am a bit of a pack rat.

I save just about everything because of sentimental attachment.

          Trinkets, knickknacks, newspaper clippings, buttons, bottle caps, boxes... you name it. I can't bring myself to throw away cards that were given to me decades ago. I find fortune cookies to be kooky yet save-worthy. I save product labels with unique and interesting packaging. When I was in middle school, I began a habit of tearing out magazine ads (those housed in everything from National Geographic to Real Simple) and housed the collection in a folder. This quickly became two folders, and then three, and so on, until I decided my collection needed a more permanent home with ample space for new additions and varying mediums. It came to be known as my 'art morgue', and is now a large Rubbermaid container - one that I insisted fitting into the car the day my parents moved me into my freshman college dorm. 

         Initially, I only began collecting because I had a curiosity for design and pretty visuals. Yet, as it transpired, I set my sights on an advertising degree and truly learned from what I had saved all of those years. I began to develop my own art directions preferences for look and style. I often used certain pieces to make artsy cards for friends' birthdays and other milestones (something I wish I had more time for as of late). Incredibly, there are things that I mentally keep track of and know that exist in my art morgue, but there are definitely moments when I'm leafing through the lot of it and have the pleasant surprise of finding a gem I don't remember saving.  To anyone else, its all just paper, really. But I love every piece and every scrap, and will never stop collecting. I save, because it can all be used for the right project.

One's trash is another's treasure .

Day 17: Contrary to many others,

I do not fear Death.

I don't think I do, anyway.

         It is mysterious. It is uncertain. It is unpredictable. The outcome is unknown. From what I can infer, these are the reasons many fear Death and dying. Death is no party, and a loss of life is something that was made to hit us hard as human beings with a capacity to feel. We need to feel subtraction and difference in our lives in order to make room and have the capacity to feel whole. Without a hole, there would simply be a flat surface, unable and inept to carry the joys and happiness that we encounter.

          I would fear a tragic and painful death, of course. The way in which it would happen is always troubling and yet we think about the possibilities regardless of the fact that we have little control over that part of our fate. Being cautious is something that I often over-do. It sounds tacky, but half the time I feel like I am a living representation of Murphy's Law. If a bunch of friends and I were jumping across a chasm and they all got across, I would be the one to slip. 

         As macabre as this all sounds, and for as much that many find Death to be a serious topic that only suicidal people discuss, I find that talking about it makes it a lot easier to accept and comprehend. There are only two guarantees in life: you will be born, and you will die. The rest, and everything in-between, is entirely up to us and this is where the good news comes in: you have the choice and the ability to determine your life's outcomes. Some of us seek thrills that make our hearts beat out of our chests; that adrenaline rush of near-death experiences. Others find that the best way to live life is to enjoy the comforts and relish in them. I would say that I, and most people, find themselves somewhere in the middle. We may not have control of what happens to us in the End, but we do have control of the journey that precedes it, and that it what makes this beautiful life one worth living.   

Forget the inevitable, and enjoy the ride. 

Day 16: As odd as it may sound, being put into new situations

and starting from scratch is something of sport to me.

I welcome the challenge to start with nothing and end with results.

         I used to think that I knew everyone when I was little. Everyone. Everywhere my parents took me, I knew names and faces, and at the time I assumed that was all there was. I forgot about this for awhile, until I was an adult and it dawned on me that I was simply in many of the same places with the same people. It makes sense that everyone seemed so familiar because there was no variation to be had. At the age of 6, the places that I was frequenting were school, church, play dates, and family gatherings; many of which had the same crowd... so, as to be expected, I took this to mean that I knew every existing person on the planet. These familiar faces represented connections and positive feelings. 

          And a word about that: I have been developing something of a theory on what determines the way we perceive beauty and attractiveness. I feel that many of us would say that the people closest to us in our lives and those we see frequently (significant others, friends, family, etc.) are beautiful; I do, at least. My theory is this: a familiar face is a catalyst for positive feelings, and therefore these positive feelings are the cause for believing these people to evoke physical beauty. This isn't to say that they are not in fact pretty or handsome (or in contrast, that strangers appear 'ugly' upon first meeting), but rather that the frequent basis on which we see someone convinces us more-so that they are visually, and intrinsically, 'good'. In this way, attractiveness correlates to a ratio of closeness and frequency. I could be entirely wrong, as I have no scientific evidence of this, but I really do believe it based on my own experiences. (Tangent alert. Back to the topic at hand.)  

         It wasn't until halfway through high school that I began to seriously branch out and try new situations where I didn't know a soul. Extracurricular milestones such as Badger Girls State and Leadership Camp were my practice for secondary education and the professional world. The people I have met, the friendships I have found, and the connections I have made along the way are irreplaceable and were a necessary step to get me where I am today. It comes down to this: I want to learn as much as I can from others, no matter who they are, where they come from, or what they believe. If we forever stay glued to what we know (the people we know) and have no desire to expand this circle, we run the risk of never knowing what someone else out there may be able to teach us. 

 Things are what you make of them. 

Day 15: Put down your gavels,

and exit the courts of your minds.

We have only the right to judge ourselves.

          Life is one long, drawn-out trial, it seems. Everyone judges one another; it's in our nature. If we disagree with what someone else is doing, or if it isn't what we would do, we consider it 'wrong' instead of just 'different'. There is a fine line between thinking these things, and actually bringing them out into the open. When you think about it, even though we may not verbally disclose the judgments we make upon each other, they will inevitably still be revealed through our actions, attitudes, and body language. There is no surefire way to hide our perceptions of each other, which means that it's best to first try to change ourselves and our own minds, instead of expecting others to do so.  

         Being judgmental and allowing assumptions to override reality is something that I personally struggle with, and I am confident to say that I'm getting better at this in time. I can't tell you how many times I have had a close family member or friend tell me that I have a poor reaction to news I don't want to hear. It didn't take very long for the message to sink in; I was embarrassed and ashamed. I started realizing how often I was judging a person, or even a situation, without first knowing all of the facts (and even when I did).  

        People do things for their own reasons, in the end. And this is the way it should be; it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks. No one can fairly judge another's actions because there is no possible way for them to be in the exact same position, all things considered. It is all very objective and should remain that way. The difficult, yet essential part, is keeping tabs on ourselves and making sure that we don't consider everyone's business to be our own, free to be judged and analyzed as 'right' or 'wrong'. Let's be honest, things are rarely black and white as such. 

        

Give the benefit of a doubt, without a doubt.