And just like that,

my 31 days are completed.

And here's what I have to say about it:    

         I've learned that timing is everything. People are listening. The best inspiration comes at the most surprising times. You may or may not get odd looks when posing for the 10-second timer on your camera while in public. And most of all, I've learned that coming up with a cohesive and creative concept on a daily basis is not at all as easy as I thought it would be. This really challenged me, in the best of ways. I had a ton of fun and I am really grateful to have gotten a taste of what my future endeavors may be like on my own terms. 

        Within the first week of beginning this project, I realized that I had a lot of important decisions to make. It was one thing to post my writings on a public medium; it was entirely another to expose my innermost feelings and opinions. I knowingly ran the risk of having someone assume that I believed or acted a certain way 100% of the time based on what I had written. This made it really tough to decide what I wanted to talk about, and how honest and upfront I wanted to be. I decided on being as straightforward as I possibly could, based on my intentions described in the foreword. It was a little scary, not knowing whose eyes would be reading what I wrote, and whether or not they would agree with what I was saying. Days 10, 15, 24 and 30 were most sensitive to me, because putting my flaws out there in the open made it easy for anyone to criticize. Something that made me laugh as the month progressed was how long-winded I became... but I guess I could should have known that from Day 1. 

          Lastly: As of this exact moment, my blog has had 2,705 views. Two-thousand, seven-hundred and five! Never, ever, did I imagine that I would get anywhere near that number, let alone in a month's time. Additionally, I discovered that I had viewers from over ten countries other than the US.  It felt incredible to see that; I can't even describe it. What truly impacted me was the support I received from friends and family, and especially people that I least expected to take an interest in what I was working on. This was a huge confidence boost towards the last week or so when I was starting to lack time and inspiration. It meant the world to me to hear some of the things others had to say, whether it was in-person or online.   

         So that's that. I did it! For anyone out there who is interested, I decided that I like the blogging world too much to say goodbye just yet. I'm setting up shop here from now on, but posts will be less-frequent. Thanks for listening, whoever you are out there.

My own version of a credits reel, these didn't make the cut for an actual post:

Day 31: Over time, I've become a bit of a

mild germophobe and hypochondriac.

That is, in my own way.    

         I'm not one of those people who goes to pieces when someone sneezes on them, or can't bear to shake hands with another person. I understand that we build up our immune system from exposure to germs, and I'm sure I get my recommended dosage just fine. It's more that I convince myself that something is hazardous, and then react. Maybe half a day after sharing something with someone who is sick, I will realize it, and mysteriously at that moment, my throat will start to feel a little funny. I use bleach wipes on the counter top so often that I'm probably breeding a new resistant bacteria by now. I'm not a hand sanitizer-addict, but I won't say 'no' if it's offered to me. My dentist tells me he's afraid that I'm going to wear the enamel off my teeth if I don't stop brushing so hard.  It's rare not to be a hypochondriac these days, if not a germophobe. This carries over into what I eat as well; there's a lot of questionable ingredients (like trans-fats) on many of the things we consume and I blame them for many of the prevalent health problems that didn't exist 50 years ago. As long as we're in the food category, I have a thing about sharing just about any kind of dairy... it bothers me, and I'm not exactly sure why. Another factor is that I tend to get grossed out at the behaviors of others, but in fairly specific ways; for example, I have to look away when someone is picking their teeth (I'll stop now before I get nauseous). I freak out if my pillow touches the floor, and I avoid anything touching my face at all costs. I never used to be this way... I would eat things off the floor and not think twice about it, and I didn't consider all of the places that bacteria might be lurking. I think the fact that I rarely get sick is due to my over-cautious behavior, as neurotic as it may seem to my friends and family. Let's get one thing straight: I exercise my germ-cautions in a moderately quiet way... like using my foot to flush public toilets. Call this behavior insane if you will, but cleanliness is far better than the alternative, and you know it. 

      Purity is natural. We come into this world with all the right instincts. We are innocent, and therefore perceive things as they should be, rather than how they are. Our conscience is clear, our hands are clean, and the world at large is truly beautiful.

      I can't claim these words to be my own, but I can tell you that I feel like they've been what I've been trying to attain all along, and I try to live by them. Something that I have realized through this project and the professions I've made is that I have been continually striving to be pure in whatever sense of the word that I can. I don't mean that I'm trying to be 'perfect' or that I'm an incessant neat-freak, but moreso that I want the simple things out of life; the undecorated and wholesome things. This could vary from what I consume, to what I believe, and the words that I choose to come out of my mouth. So in a way... all of this germophobe business is more about awareness than anything. If you are aware that there's bad stuff out there, and desire to make a conscious effort to avoid it, no one should really ever blame you for trying.  

I just want what's real.  

Day 30: I find it terribly backwards;

the way we end up treating each other, sometimes.

Nice to strangers; cruelest to those we love and need most.

          Of course, not all of the time. But I know that often, I exercise a whole lot more patience, benefit of the doubt, and unconditional kindness to people that I barely know. Why is this? Be honest with yourself; it's easy to lash out at your closest friend or family member because you take for granted that they will forgive you. With a stranger, you don't want them to think you're insane, and so you only reveal yourself at your best. Yet, the people closest to us see us at our best and our worst, and somehow still love us. We can be so terrible to each other, and inevitably look past it at the end of the day and forgive. It's quite a miracle, and it happens over and over again. The way that humans interact on an emotional level fascinates me to no end and I think about it often. Therefore, I can't write this post without mentioning my family, because they're the only one I'm ever going to get, and that's the way it should be.

          I need to be honest here; I didn't always feel this way. I definitely loved my parents and sisters from an early age, (so much, that I told my parents I was going to live in their house 'forever!'). But middle school and teen angst happened in the middle there... I'll be frank, I was everything short of mean for a long string of years. I wouldn't smile, and I wouldn't make conversation. There was nothing anyone could have done to avoid this; I was so self-centered and unwilling to open up because I just wanted my space. Pretty typical for a teenage girl who didn't know how to handle herself, but I still regret acting so cold. No family is perfect, and it's unreasonable to expect to get along 100% of the time. Sometimes tension is what allows things to stray from being bland and meaningless. And with that said, I think any group of people living in close proximity will tend to get on each other's nerves eventually. It's a lesson for any relationship you have: no matter how much you love your significant other, or to what extent your best friend understands you, humans need to have time apart from each other. I'm not going to say that I have a 'perfect' relationship with my family now, but things have gotten exponentially better in time (at least in my mind), and I suspect this is a result of the space between us, as backwards as that sounds. All of this aside; my dad, my mom, and both of my sisters, are without a doubt the reasons of why I am the way I am. They have some of the best qualities that I look for in others, and I forget too often how blessed I am. Blessed, being an understatement. We'll start from the top:

My dad: is someone who I have come to identify with the older I get, in terms of my subconscious reactions and the way I interact with others. When I was little, I spent as much time as I could by his side for landscaping and woodworking projects. It was more than just observing; he really taught me how things worked and would let me help. As a direct result of this, I have high expectations for all men to be handy by default -- no one even comes close. My dad is resourceful, practical, punctual, and probably has the best sense of self-control out of anyone I know. 
My mom: will sacrifice so much without expecting anything in return. All she asks of me is kindness, and sometimes I take this for granted. My mom constantly gives me the benefit of the doubt in any situation, or anyone for that matter. She is always considering others, never boasts, and never talks about someone behind their back.  She has taught me so much about being a kind person, and I look up to everything she has achieved professionally.  
Katie: who goes by 'Kate', but will always be Katie to me, is level-headed and diligent, and yet so nurturing and pensive about a lot of things. Katie makes me laugh at the most unexpected of times when I need to hear it most, and will go out of her way to help me no matter how busy she already is. She's the one who got me in touch with my creative side; I started making collages when I was little simply because I wanted to be just like her. 
Megan: is my reminder that you can always keep trying no matter what happens. She is one of the strongest individuals I know; a chameleon in just about any situation and can get a smile out of anyone. She is the definition of a social butterfly and could likely talk herself out of anything because she has so much charm. Megan still sets me the baby fork when we have family dinners at home because she never got out of the habit. I think I would be disappointed if she did. 

I love my family, and I know they are probably embarrassed at me for posting this publicly... but you should know that you matter enough to me to be showed off. Thank you for being you. 

Day 29: It's amazing,

what our minds can convince us.

You start to wonder who's really in charge.

          I almost get to the point where I think of myself as invincible; that nothing can shake me, and that I am unbreakable. I can understand if this comes off insensitively, but the thought has crossed my mind that if I was ever diagnosed with a serious disease or illness, I would be able to rely on my mind to get me through it, and in a way, cure myself. It sounds crazy, I'm sure. But you never really think that you'll allow yourself to get to that point. So you think, If I get sick, I 'll just make myself better. If I'm feeling depressed, I'll just find a way to be happy. If I break something, it'll be fixed in no time. When it does happen, you can't remember how things used to be before that. In reality, things are never this simple, nor as black and white. Yet our mind can convince us of almost anything. Sometimes, this is to our advantage. We can convince ourselves that we don't have stage fright, we aren't feeling under the weather, we aren't overwhelmed, and we aren't scared. Other times, we convince ourselves to our disadvantage; we aren't in denial, we don't have an issue, and we certainly don't care.

        It's easy to read into things, and to perceive reality in an exaggerated way. In the end, we will allow ourselves to believe whatever we want to believe. We legitimize feeling a certain way or having a certain opinion because it feels strange not to have an answer for everything. Sometimes, we don't even care if it's right or wrong; we just need to label something for our own comfort and sanity. There is no room in our minds for unfinished, incompleteness... so we fill in the gaps and blanks on our own, and are satisfied with whatever we can come up with.  

You see what you want to see.

Day 28: It's been too long

since I've gotten lost.

The good way, that is.

          Lost in a book. Lost in thought. Lost on the road when you have nowhere to be. Lost a game because you wanted someone else to win. Lost on what to say next. Just, ...lost.
          Life is not very exciting when you are always trying to be a step ahead, and constantly predicting what will happen next, the way I do. I forget that, sometimes, its good to be lost.  I spend almost every day caught up in a robotic progression of routines. Do this, and don't forget that. Do it in the same order as every day, as fast as you can, because there's no time. I can tell that it's high time to stop and smell the roses; it bothers me to be so habitual that I forget to pay attention to the things that would make my day, if only I noticed them. 
        Yesterday, while scouting out sites to take my photo of the day, I started to think about how different each day is. Besides being assigned to a different name and number, how differently can you distinguish one day from the other, really? We likely have changes in our personal schedule for each day, but other than that, would you really be able to wake up and know what day it was if you hadn't been keeping track? Then I thought about it in a bigger spectrum. Let's take away the human aspect, because all of us lead different lives and what's true for one person isn't necessarily true for another. I looked down at my feet and saw the ground beneath me, and I realized that it was the one true indication of difference; natural, pure, undecorated earth. If I went back to that same place today, the surroundings may look familiar, but something would be different. So much could have happened since I was last there; maybe the wind shuffled the bits of dirt around a bit. Maybe someone, or something, stood in the exact same place and matted the grass down. Maybe a bird dug around for something to eat. The reason why sometimes we feel like the days 'drag on' is because we're looking too close to be able to see everything else that's happening. We're only looking at ourselves, really. Take a few steps back, as many as you'd like, and you'll find something to make your day less bane and pale. There's a lot happening out there, and sometimes you have to get out there and find it if it's not knocking on your front door.    

Tomorrow can be as different as you want it to be.

Day 27: I'm going to be perfectly honest,

I can be one of those 'punks' who thinks the rules don't apply from time to time.

Sometimes, what is 'allowed' feels too structured and withholding.

          I occasionally do things simply because I want to.... until (if) I get caught, at which time I am bitter towards authority and usually regret it, but only because I got caught. It has nothing to do with rebellion or 'sticking it to the man'--- nothing like that. I'm sorry if this offends anyone or changes your opinion of me; its not like I go looking for trouble, ready to wreak havoc on whatever I can find. For the record, I find destructive behavior to be insolent and obnoxious. I don't get my kicks from ruining something or breaking the rules for attention. In fact, that kind of thing usually just upsets me. Furthermore, I don't approach every situation with this paradigm, either. There are just some things that seem to be 'off-limits' for no good reason, and thats what I have a problem with. Personally, I see a disconnect between ethics and laws, and perhaps this is where the problem lies with my conscience about this sort of thing. If I'm cautious and considerate, acting on my own behalf, and not hurting anyone, I really fail to see the point of prohibiting or forbidding something. Regardless of how salt-of-the-earth you think you are, I think everyone has felt this way from time to time. 

         Yes, I understand that when one person goes against a rule, law, policy, etc., it is very different from having a large amount of people do the same. I have always had a slight distrust for police and authority figures in general, and also a keen paranoia when going through security and metal detectors. I don't even have a tangible reason to feel this way; it's not like I carry heat around with me, nor am I a stealthy shoplifter. I've felt it for as long as I can remember, again, without any real reason. In a lot of ways, I distrust someone 'in charge' because I ignorantly assume they are corrupt in some way, or that they want to see someone else fail and be reprimanded. Everyone seems to love a bit of power, and they walk a fine line between exercising it and abusing it. 'Rules' have their place in society; I'm not suggesting anarchy or anything of the sort. I respect a lot of rules that I believe in and see the necessity for their implementation. But perhaps, I am just alluding to the need for more trust and confidence in the common citizen. Most of us aren't all that bad. I really hope that no one misunderstands where I am coming from; I am not an irresponsible or untrustworthy person. I'm not even saying that I am right about this, or that everyone should agree. Simply, I feel that there is a lot of unnecessary restraint on society and I question the motives of putting so many boundaries up.     

We're all a little bit criminal; don't kid yourself.

Day 26: This may go without saying, but

every person you have ever met should matter.

How you feel about them is irrelevant.

          I get in these moods where I think about the past and the people I was once close to, and wonder how things changed to make them what they are today. I don't necessarily have a positive or negative feeling about it, I just find it so interesting to see how my life has diverged in terms of the relationships I've had. You never think that things will be different shortly in the future, but then you look back and realize that you are not the same person you once were. We are so dynamic in that way; at least, I feel I am. I remember the strong opinions and feelings that I had as a 17-year-old, and believing that I would always feel that way. Some things have stayed with me, but a lot has shifted as a result of learning more about myself and the way that things actually are in the world. I find myself thinking about people I may have hurt in the past, regardless of how minor or major it was from my perspective. I worry that people hold things against to me to this day, even though by nature I tend put a lot of effort into resolving any sort of discontent. I am nowhere near perfect; I have burned a few bridges in my 21 years and am definitely not proud of any of it. The honest truth is that I tend to look at things too subjectively and end up taking everything too personally. Though, when I think about most of the people I used to be close to and aren't anymore (simply through the progression of life's many chapters), there's usually not a clear reason why we ever drifted. It makes me want to reach out to them and see how they are doing, just because. A lot of people find this to be a waste of time and emotions. To a certain extent, I'm not sure I agree. There's a reason why we once spent time with these people... they likely had qualities that we found to be a good addition to our outside influence. Relationships are what define who we are in a lot of ways. Our families, friends, coworkers, peers.... everyone. We are more influenced than we realize, and I think this lends itself to how we treat others. A small act of kindness can have major repercussions to somewhat of an untraceable extent. The way you treat someone, friend or foe, and the words you choose to say to them, will influence their attitude and will henceforth influence how they treat the next person, and so on. So why does everyone feel like they can't approach one another? Stop the silence. You'll never know when someone needs it most. 

Let no acquaintance be a wasted one.